SELFOBSESSED REPORT #1:

On Memorial Day, Patrick and I went to see “What To Expect When You’re Expecting”. When we had originally seen the trailer for this movie, Patrick and I were both like “holy shit. Yes. Yes. Yes.” but then it got really terrible reviews and the general vibe was that its terrible.

Here’s the thing though, I cannot STAND reviews and the idea that we as a society are dependant on what somebody else thinks about something determining whether or not we will experience for ourselves. What if the guy who discovered the Grand Canyon had been like “eh”? Now, I’m not comparing “What To Expect When You’re Expecting” to the Grand Canyon but if you’d like me to, give me a call and I will.

Just kidding. Please don’t call me. I also cannot STAND talking on the phone. Unless you’re in some sort of power position AND/OR a television/book executive and you’re calling to give me good news then I’m all “I fucking LOVE the phone” but if you’re say… my friend…. text pu-lease.

I digress.

“What To Expect When You’re Expecting” fucking ROOOOOOCKED. Its my newest obession. And you know what? FUCK YOU if you didn’t like it! Seriously FUCK OFF.

JK. Everyone is entitled to their own opinion, yours is just, y’know. Wrong.

Here’s the movie. Its one of those movies where everyone is living their own story line and they all kind intersect at different moments KINDA like Paris Shatim or whatever that was called but more like New Years Eve, which also, by the way…. LOVED it.

Here are my initial reactions to “What To Expect”.

- Jennifer Lopez plays a photographer so we are expected to believe she has an artistic eye and sometimes doesn’t wear make up to work. However, you forgive this because A. she takes photos of adorable babies and B. her boyfriend is HOT

- Elizabeth Banks is an icon. Lets move on.

- Hey Dennis Quaid, you still look great. The news is in and the news is that Dennis Quaid is still pretty hot. Sure, his character has an unbelievably over the top margarita bar on the corner of his pool called “Margaritaville” and SURE Melissa McCarthy’s husband drive a golf cart through it and doesn’t die on impact but still…. loved him.

- Hey Jeffery, I’m a horny gay guy who can’t enjoy a movie unless I get some eye candy and Jennifer Lopez’s character’s boyfriend isn’t my cup of tea. Ladies, look no further than Chace Crawford. Sure, I’ve always been aware of Chase Crawford. Very few blond, blue eyed boys with moderately appealing biceps pass through Hollywood without my noticing. HOWEVER the man has never looked better. If you told me that the majority of the movie’s capital was raised on the promise of Chase in the perfectly fitting t-shirts he wears the entire movie, I would say…. well sure.

- Sophia Vegara isn’t in it. I LOVE Sophia Vegara. Don’t get me wrong. “Modern Family” is  a weekly masterpiece however, this seems like the kind of movie where they’d hire Sophia to basically play the same role she does on “Modern Family” and expect us not to notice because they call her Denise. I’m glad they didn’t do that.

- Joe! Joe! Joe! Joe Magnelliano. The hottest male celebrity in decades is in the movie almost always shirtless because whoever directed this movie loves America. The hot guy from True Blood who’s name I can still not pronounce even though I would pay outrageous amounts of money just to do his laundry is great. And worth however much you pay for a ticket.

- And finally, Babies! I love babies! You do too!

I loved the movie and I don’t care who knows it.

What else am I obsessed with this week? Still REALLY into wasabi peas…  granola and almond milk…. and my new favorite coffee shop in LA called “Commissary” which I guess has been there for a while but I just now went because I take a while to do pretty much anything.

Patrick and I are also rewatching “Lost” from the beginning. What a way to spend time. Shit. That show is SO good y’all. Also, I used to be all about Jack and this round its all about Sawyer for me. I don’t know what that says about growing older and my appreciation for douche bags.

I’m reading “Home At The End Of The World” which, so far, is really magical and beautiful. I loved his novel “Flesh And Blood” and I’m into this one in the same kind of all encompassing way. Before that I read the novel version of “I Know What You Did Last Summer” in a day because I’ve never seen the movie and I do NOT want to make the same mistake as I did with “The Help”. Which, thanks to Viola Davis, I will NEVER read because I will likely just feel things way too deeply.

And as far as music, I’m really digging the Dusty Springfield Pandora station, which is basically Dusty, The Shirelles, The Supremes, and Petula Clark.  Good car driving music.

And as far as Twitter, PLEASE follow Lisa Rinna if you don’t already. There’s SO much happening and it is ALL vital and important.

Thank you.

And may your week be filled with the best of obsessions.