#1: MARLO THOMAS
Dear Jeffery,
I am so sorry for my embarrassing delay in writing to you after the marvelous dinner you hosted last month. But wow, what a time we had. Phil hasn’t stopped raving about those clams you made. I know I said this then, but I really do mean it- I WANT THE RECIPE! (Half so that Phil will shut up about it and get off my freaking back for once. Haha)
But seriously Jeffery… I knew dinner would be lovely but I had no idea that you were SUCH an exceptional host. I suppose it won’t surprise you to hear I’ve dined at some of the finest restaurants in the world. Had meals prepared by some of the most renowned chefs. Been to some of the most flat out fabulous parties you could ever imagine (I’ve literally dined with kings and partied with rockstars- and on one occasion, at the same party- *Pat Boone’s going away party and it wasn’t a King but Prince Charles. It still counts).
All that said… you threw one of the most delightful dinner parties I’ve ever been to.
Also! I can’t wait to see your new house upstate. I don’t think I can even imagine what a six-story log cabin in upstate New York would look like! I do hope your invitation wasn’t just late-night wine-buzzed chatter. If room is an issue (why would it be with six stories, but you never know) let me know and I can come without Phil. In fact, it might be nice to come alone regardless. We’ve been spending a little too much time together lately if you ask me. DISTANCE FROM YOUR HUSBAND CAN BE YOUR BEST FRIEND SOMETIMES! Don’t forget that, JEFFERY!!!!!!!!!
I suppose I should apologize for some of Phil’s behavior late in the evening. Sometimes I feel like Phil made a decision when he left daytime television to become the most socially awkward and maladjusted individual on earth. Despite the impression he may have given you or Hank or the rest of the guests (poor Mary Steenburgen- I really hope she got that wine out of her blouse), he had a really nice time. In fact, according to Phil… It was one of the most delightful evenings he’s had since the old days when we were still speaking to the Newharts and going over for Bob’s World Famous Shish Kebab Fridays in Ojah. As I was screaming at Phil in the car on the way home he told me he’d had the time of his life. I told him he certainly had a not so funny way of showing it and that he made a jackass of himself and our family altogether.
It’s been pretty chilly around the Thomas/Donahue ranch these past few weeks but as I told Phil… I’ll be ready to take back all the things I said when he’s ready to stop acting like an overgrown infant with a pile of shit in his diaper. 
If you want to email me that clam recipe, I’d be delighted or if you want to send it the old fashioned way just send to our house in Connecticut. That’s where I’m staying right now while Phil and I work everything out. I never thought I’d say this but GOD BLESS CONNECTICUT! HAHA!
Again, Jeffery… Honestly… A marvelous evening through and through. Send my love to Patrick. And I hope we do it again soon.
With love.
Marlo Thomas.
I realize it might be rude to address you more as a role than the splendid, gorgeous, can’t-help-but-love-her-because-i-know-she’s-so-nice-in-person type of actress that you are, so I apologize in advance for the many times I refer to you as Ellie Sattler in this humble letter. You probably get it a lot, so I’ll guess its become somewhat routine. Don’t get me wrong – I loved you as Sandy, and Randy, and Ruby and Gertrude; however, I come at this subject as a twenty-something gay man who grew up a tomboy in the early nineties, and instead of favoring Superman or The Red Power Ranger, I found myself only caring about the token female in what any gay, American seven-year-old would end up watching.